I spoke at an Alice in Wonderland themed event for preteen girls. I glimpsed into the past, offering answers to my former self and, hopefully, comfort to young girls still tumbling down the rabbit hole.
Like all of us, I’m a lot of things. I’m a mother, wife, sister, daughter, and former 7th grade girl who, maybe like you Go Girls, had many questions and seemingly none of the answers. There were so many times that I felt like Alice, lost in the woods saying, “it would be nice if something would make sense for a change.”
Another thing I am is a journaler. I have kept a journal from the time I was single digits. Writing has always been a way I process my thoughts and feelings, even when I didn’t know what I was doing. At home, I have a tote of my old journals from my life. I think of one as most significant, the journal I received for my 11th birthday, just before Go Girl age, curiosity and confusion abound.
In it, I detailed my crushes, how much I loved the band Hanson, friend drama, schemes on how to meet Hanson, inspirational quotes, poems, Hanson fan fiction, etc. I really fan girled on Hanson. For our younger generation, Hanson was a boy band who was very popular in the 1990s.
I reread some of these entries from when I was the Go Girls age and yikes. I wanted to go back in time and hug that girl. While my life experiences were limited, my concerns were real. Do I belong? Am I ok? Will I ever feel comfortable in my skin?
As a journaler, I decided to write back to 12 year old Katie Kelly. Although a lot of time has passed and many lessons learned, somewhere that young girl still looks out from behind my eyes. So I wanted to answer her questions, once and for all.
Go Girls present and future, I hope what I was able to tell my 12 year old self gives you peace of mind and an understanding that yes, you will be ok, as long as you keep trying and caring for others and, most importantly, for yourself.
Dearest Katie,
Here is how it turns out.
You’re not going to meet Hanson and you’re ok with that. I just thought I should get that out of the way. The brother trio will also hold a special place in your heart. Mmmbop conjures up a sense of nostalgia that cannot be matched.
Your deepest insecurities, which are accumulating rapidly as a preteen, are not who you are or who you will become. You’ll learn that your value is not linked to how others perceive your looks or your body. You won’t define yourself by others’ opinions and you will feel good about yourself.
Katie, what I wish you could have know then: you are already worthy of self-acceptance. You feel awkward because life is awkward right now. You feel more grown up than you’ve ever been but you’re still a child. You do not yet have the answers and don’t need them. What you need is to be good to yourself. You are trying your best, even when you all get it wrong over and over.
When Alice is asked who she is by the Cheshire Cat, she responds, “I hardly know sir. I’ve changed so many times since this morning.” It’s ok to try on new identities and trends. You will dye your hair black freshman year and it will be a mistake. But you tried something new and survived. And you keep trying big things and small.
This will become a defining feature of your proudest moments: you keep trying.
Your parents really do want to connect with you. They are not just doing their job; they love you more than you could know. Be easy on them and let them in. They can actually help! You’ll know all this in the future when you’re a mother to the most amazing little girl. You can’t imagine the joy. You also have a kind, caring, hot husband so good for you, girl.
At 12 years old, there is so much pressure to look and act a certain way. Your body and mind are growing and changing, transforming you into the adult writing this now. I won’t sugarcoat it, there will be some rough times in your future where you try to make yourself small, physically and mentally. I can’t go back and change this for you, but I can reassure you that when you finally love yourself, life begins. It’s like going from black and white to seeing color. When your opinion of yourself is the one that matters most, you’re free.
For you, Katie, this lesson was better late than never. But you’ll have chances to tell girls, who remind you of yourself, that they are enough. This will help you heal.
Lastly, Katie, keep some of your clothes because, while it sounds ridiculous, the ‘90s came back hard.
Go Girls and adults alike: adulthood doesn’t erase the child within you. The little girl version of you still looks out from behind your eyes. Let her know she was always ok and she always belonged.
Go Girls, you’re more Alice than the hurried white rabbit right now. You’re on a path of self-discovery and have all the curiosity to tumble down rabbit holes. Hold onto this. Unlike the white rabbit, you have so much time ahead of you. The answers to your questions will come in the form of life lessons, some straight forward and some like riddles from the mad hatter (what is the difference between a raven and a writing desk?). Let them come. Write them down. Trust yourself. You’re wiser than you know, growing everyday.
It’s guaranteed that life will not be a smooth ride. But don’t lose your head. Mistakes are fixable and do not define us. Like when the Queen of Hearts’ soldiers accidentally planted white roses around the palace, they just painted them red instead of burning it all down. You will survive and, better yet, you will learn and grow curious and curiouser as you explore Wonderland.
A toast to the Go Girls: To your precious pasts. To your curious present. And to your curiouser futures. To every version of you, girls. Cheers.
Dr. Katie Noble, PT, DPT, SCS 